One Day at a Time.

Yesterday in church the song, I'm No Longer a Slave to Fear, I am a Child of God was played, and as per the usual when hearing this song, the waterworks started. My daughter turned around and looked at me, you know the awkward gawking that kids can do to us parents when we are showing emotion (insert my eye rolling), and smiled because she knew this was my song. This song has truly helped me to navigate all that life has tossed our way. My pain and emotional struggle are no greater or less than what anyone else might be going through- it is just different. I don't ever want to compare "pain" as I know that in the big picture my family is healthy, I am healthy, happily married, great kids, but it doesn't always mean life is easy. I can tell myself until I'm blue in the face how truly grateful and blessed I am but the devil often wins and feelings get the better of me and not the facts. Also, depression and anxiety are overwhelming and can trick my brain, which is why this song has become my anthem. When my husband's baseball program was cut in 2018, my family was flailing. He was born to coach, that is his calling and he was lost, we were all lost as the boys were all part of our family. We were scared and to this day, anytime we get a call or message from our bosses, we instantly hit the panic button... because we instantly go to the worse. I know, these are feeling not facts and we are working through them, but it isn't always easy. In the months after the program getting cut, I would go on walks and listen to this song on blast. I'm sure if anyone was driving by me they were likely wondering what in the name of all that is holy is going on with her. Trust me, I felt the same way! Coming up on six years later, I now understand what the Lord was doing and the path he intended for us. He had us in the palm of his hand and he was guiding us to this moment in time. And while I am scared out of my mind to move from a place that has been home for 18 years, while I am missing my husband and son like crazy as I finish out this school year, while I am scared for my daughter to meet and make new friends in Omaha, while the dark creeps in at times..... I have to turn back to the one true Lord and Savior. He is the ONLY thing helping me navigate all that life can throw at us and has always been there for us. He has never left and he never will. He doesn't fail. So, No Longer a Slave to Fear. I have to give the fear to him, I have to give the hurt to him, I have to give the scared out of my mind to start this new business to him, the worry for my kids, the anxiety, the depression... all of it. To HIM. May he be this light for you and he has been for me.